Being present is something I struggle with. You would think that I would have learned my lesson through our experiences with Whitney but it continues to be one of my downfalls. What will I do in an hour, tomorrow, next week or in five years? I’ve mapped it all out. Not just a schedule of responsibilities that must get accomplished, but a detailed map of where my life WILL lead. I am absolutely embarrassed to tell you that I even have written down the month and year I should be able to conceive and have our fourth and fifth children. I admit a vision board is beneficial and a list of goals is important but this is too extreme. I know.
With this map, I am in control. Right? Wrong! Whitney going to heaven wasn’t on my vision board. Running my daughter’s childhood cancer foundation was definitely not part of the plan. Far from it. After Whitney’s diagnosis, my planning got worse. We had Excel sheets for the way her blood counts behaved after each round of chemo. We would attempt to predict what day she would feel her worse and at what point her counts would begin to rise. We were in control after losing so much control of our daughter’s health.
BUT, I want to look back on life and remember exactly what it felt like the moment…. my child hugged me after their first day at school, the butterflies in my stomach when my husband complimented me, my parents’ embrace as if I was once again a child and the tear from my eye when I saw my daughter swim for the first time. I want to remember my son’s smooth skin and his smell as he slobbered all over me for a kiss. I want to remember all of those amazingly important moments. Not just the milestone but also the feeling, the smell and the taste of those events. If you’re not present, you may be in attendance but you just are not living.
One thing that helps me is my yoga. I am forced to be present. I do not have a choice. If I think of what I will do tomorrow or in an hour, I fall and I do not succeed. So I put my mind into exactly what I am doing. I concentrate and for those 60 seconds, I am PRESENT.
I challenge you to be present for one full hour this weekend. Just one hour. No thought about what is next. No worrying about the dishes while your family begs for your attention. Just one hour. Let me know how it goes. I’ll do the same…and I promise it will be a freeing experience!
What makes you present? Please share!